Genius of Love
by Wickfield
Summary: Mandark agrees to try "The Way of the Dee Dee" to prove to his love he has a heart - but this whole "kindness" thing threatens to ruin his latest experiment. Can you really mix love and science?


_**A/N:**__ So here's a very silly Dexter's Lab fic. DEXTER's LAB? What happened to Dickens, lol? I'm just on a nostalgic Dexter kick right now and this story insisted to be written._

_I always thought Mandark's parents would like Dee Dee's cheerfulness, especially when she's in her zen mode. (I guess this story takes place after the rehaul of Mandark's lab, but maybe before Ego Trip. ) Anyway, I tried my best to make it sound like it could be an actual episode. Does it make any sense at all? I'm not even sure all the characters sound like themselves. XD Still, I hope you enjoy it!_

_(Oh and, FWIW, Mr. Levinsky is that heavyset teacher Dexter and Mandark have in "Dexter's Rival" and some other episodes. )_

**Genius of Love**

"_Ah ha ha, ah-hahahaha!"_

"Mandark…?"

I blinked and looked around to find Mr. Levinsky and the entire class staring at me. What? Hadn't they ever heard an evil genius laugh before? "Oh…I'm sorry sir. I was just very excited about entering the class science fair."

Yeah, more like excited to beat the pants off Dexter, who was sitting at the front of the class all smug and conceited, regarding my outburst with a raised eyebrow. Bah. He might have won the last science fair with that stupid robotic hand, but this time I, Mandark, would shine as the true genius!

Mr. Levinsky cleared his throat. "Well, uh…your enthusiasm is…inspiring, Mr. Astronomonov. As I was saying, class, I hope you will all put your best effort into your project for next weekend."

"Why should we? Dexter's gonna win anyway," one feeble-minded fool whined from the back of the class.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about _that_…" Dexter said modestly. "Who knows? Maybe _Mandark_ will win this time."

Oh, I could just _hear_ the irony in that statement! "Maybe I will," I retorted darkly, "but I don't need _your_ permission!"

"Settle down, boys," Mr. Levinsky said. "Just do your best. Class dismissed!"

I immediately followed Dexter out into in the hall. "I hope you're aware that I'll beat the heck out of your pathetic experiment, Dexter," I informed him. "Just you wait!"

"Oh, I am sure you will, Mandark," he grinned as he unlocked his locker. "If you do not get…dee-stracted."

"Whaddaya mean, distracted? No one is more dedicated to science than _I_ am!"

"Okay, okay. Then I guess you do not have anything to worry about, old pal-sy. May the best man ween!"

I knew what he was trying – the old mindgame trick! Well, it wasn't going to work on _me_. In fact, I already knew exactly what my project would be – I had had the plans for my molecular dissembler drawn up for _months_. I had originally wanted it for…personal reasons, but it would be perfect for the fair.

"Laugh at _that_, you little midget," I chuckled to myself as I walked home. Dexter, ugh. You know, once I calculated that I could shove his whole entire 3-foot body in one of my socks? I'd like to try it someday.

I couldn't wait to get to the lab and get started right away, but a true scientist can't work on an empty stomach, so I picked my way through the way overgrown grass to my front door. I had barely stepped inside when I heard my mother call, "Susan!"

_That name_.

"What?" I yelled back.

"Susan? Come here, please!"

"_Mandark._" I plodded to the meditation room and found my parents sitting on the floor like a pair of infants in a playpen.

"What?"

"Have a seat, lovechild," said Windbear, patting the ground. I sat.

"_What?_"

"Lately, Susan, your mother and I have gotten concerned you're losing sight of the big picture." He waved his arms around all mystically. "Because of this whole science deal, you're not seeing the forest for the trees. You need to let it all hang out and get in touch with this big ol' universe we all know and love!"

I realized I was going to have to make this as simple as possible. "What. Do you want. _Me._ To do?"

"We just want you to be less…uptight, Susan," Oceanbird smiled. "But we know that's not really 'your thing,' so we got you some help."

"I do not need _help,_" I replied. "I am PERFECTLY SANE!"

"Sure you are," I heard my sister say as she passed the doorway. "Hehe…"

"It's not about sanity, lovechild," Windbear assured me. "It's about Peace and Love."

Blech. Two things I hated. I frowned as my mother handed me a pink flyer. "See? This chick is offering her services. I think she goes to your school."

I adjusted my glasses and read the text, handwritten in crayon.

**Looking for meaning in your life? I have the answers!**

**Learn**

"**THE WAY OF THE DEE DEE"**

**Only 5 dollars an hour!**

The...the…

Deeeeee Deeeee…my golden-haired daffodil!

I could barely talk – I have to say that my brain had stopped. "D-do you mean Dee Dee is coming here? To talk to _me_?"

My parents looked at each other. "If I didn't know better, Oceanbird, I'd say our son thinks this girl's pretty groovy!"

"Right on, Windbear!"

I gritted my teeth at their idiotic chatter, but decided I needed to calm myself. I was a scientist.

"Whenisshecoming isittoday ornextweekor – "

"Oh, she'll be here in a few minutes."

The doorbell rang.

Windbear waved me away. "Go ahead and get that, Susan. We need to finish our meditation."

Yeah, go on Susan, go talk rationally to _the woman of your __**DREAMS**_.

I opened the door. She was wearing all white, and her radiant hair was glowing like pure gold around the white flowers she had stuck in. She was so light, so happy, so _beautiful_ – ah, but enough of that! I am a man of Science, not of Art, and besides, sheer words cannot describe the splendor that is Dee Dee.

Dee Deeeee….

And then she said, in her lovely voice, "Oh wow, Mandark, _you_ live here?" Her blue eyes grew wide with the realization. "Do _you_ want to learn the Way of the Dee Dee? Wow."

I think I said yes. I tried to, anyway. I was essentially blinded by the light.

"Well, okay. If you want to. Hey, where are we going?"

"To my laboratory, of course. I…uh…redecorated since the last time you came over."

"Cool! Wait…I've been in your laboratory before?" She trailed off and looked around. "Your lab isn't as shiny as Dexter's. And it doesn't have as many buttons, either."

"_That_ is because _my_ lab is infinitely _better_ than Dexter's lab! More powerful, top-secret, and all around awesome. Ha ha ha!"

"Hmm," she replied, apparently skeptical. "You know, I think _I_ have my work cut out for me! I don't think you know the first thing about love, mister. Not the itty bittiest, eensie weensiest, little tiny thing – "

_What_ could have made her think _that_? "Oh, but I do!" I protested. If only she knew!

Dee Dee glanced suspiciously around my lab, which was looking particularly – spiky. As she stood there I knew, in that instant, that I must embrace The Way of the Dee Dee. I _had_ to prove I had a human heart beneath this cold scientific steel facade. Who cared what my parents wanted - _Dee Dee_ had to know I could love her, because I did! And then maybe she'd see me for who I really was, instead of just a nerd like her demented brother, who gave geniuses the world over a bad name.

"Really I do!"

She shrugged. "Well, if you say so. I'm getting paid anyway so we might as well try!"

She sat down in a meditative pose. "_Usually, I like to clear the old to make way for the new."_

"Should I take off my clothes?" I suggested. "To, ya know, free mind and body and everything?"

She blinked. "Ew gross, no. But your parents want you to wear _this_." And she yanked out a tie-dyed t-shirt.

Oh all powerful Steven Hawk, _why_? Why that despicable drug-induced swirl of hippie color known as tie-dye?

But seeing as how, well, Dee Dee's hands had been all over it and stuff, I thought I might as well put it on.

Dee Dee had placed her hands together and shut her eyes, but she now opened one and peeked at me. "And oh yeah, this relationship is _completely_ professional, got it?"

"Oh, uh, okay."

"GOOD! Now then, _you'll want to clear your mind. Get rid of all those ugly equations and diagrams and stuff. Imagine peace and tranquility_. Feel better?"

Well, I did, but I think that was about 99% due to her calm voice. "Yes."

"Good again. But I think you'd feel even better if you had a nicer place to meditate. Why's your lab so spiky, anyway?"

"For defense."

"Hmm, that doesn't really help Peace and Love and the Way of the Dee Dee. Oooo, I know – have you got a pillow?"

In 3 seconds I had one shuttled up from my room. No questions asked.

"COOL! Now watch out – heeheeheeheehee!" And she whacked me on the head with it and split the pillow open.

"OW! What the – WHY did you do that?"

"That's what allll your worrrrries and anger are doing to you all the time! Also I needed the feathers." She picked up an armful and started dancing around, sticking them to the edges of every spike. "PERFECT!"

Well….my lab didn't look exactly evil, but it was okay, I'd just have CM-1129 vacuum it up later.

For the next hour Dee Dee talked at me. I suppose she was saying enlightening things- I didn't know or care. She could have been telling me Dexter's life story and I probably wouldn't have cared. Just sitting there on the floor and looking at her (until my eyes hurt) was good enough for me!

And all I had to do was agree with everything she said.

"_So you do think we are all able to reach a higher place?_"

"Oh, uh, yeah. Sure. Totally."

"SEE? Now doesn't that feel better? The world's not ALL science, just like your mom and dad said. That's all for today, but I'll be back tomorrow. Now I gotta go to ballet practice. Maybe there's some nice in you _some_where – maybe you're not a diabolical no-good pseudoscientist like Dexter said! Maybe you're just a norrrrmal selfish nerd. Or maybe you aren't. I dunno!" She grinned. "BYE!"

Wait. Dexter said – nevermind.

Hmm.

Well….

I was making progress with her. Yeah, uh huh, Love and Peace. If it meant having Dee Dee over every day and helping her grow to like me, I could do that.

Or at least, you know. Fake it.

As promised, she came again the next day, perfect as ever.

"Why, hello, Dee Dee," I said suavely (because today I had had the proper preparation).

"HELLO! I hope you have your happy hat on today, mister, because today we're gonna get you out of that stuffy old lab and into the world."

"Oh. Uh…why?"

"To make friends, silly! _And see wonderful things_." She placed her hands together and said, calmly, "_You can't be happy without air and sun!_ So come on, let's go!"

I think I would have protested more if she hadn't grabbed my hand, because at that point I instantly became a slave.

So she dragged me out into the yard, threw a butterfly net at me, and made me catch butterflies. She got about six of them in one swipe. "Oooo, look at all the pretty colors! Nature's Beauty. What did you catch?"

"An _Ornithoptera aesacus_." Secretly I would have liked to pin it on my board of specimens, but since that was basically a collection of dead stuff I decided that would send the wrong message. So I let it go.

That day was the…weirdest one I'd ever had (cue the montage). I was made to do just about everything I disliked most – the catching butterflies, taking a walk, riding bicycles, talking to stupid people who didn't know anything about anything, looking at dull common flowers and commenting on the nice weather when the air quality index was _clearly_ in the red. But because Dee Dee was there I did it anyway, and only loathed it with part, not all, of my being. Heck, I even kissed a slobbery little baby on the head for her sake. (It tasted like scalp and mashed peas.)

I was beginning to suspect I had underestimated my parents' intelligence. Maybe they were right – maybe a little niceness _wouldn't_ kill me. And it was certainly worth it if it meant spending all that time with Deeee Deeee.

And when I went to work on my molecular dissembler that evening, I didn't even think _that_ much about demolishing Dexter. What the heck? I guess I was just having…fun?

"This is very strange," I muttered to myself. "Very strange indeed!

* * *

><p>There was only a single day left before the science fair, and my project was going like clockwork – now it just needed the finishing touch, like extra spikes and a red "M" and a coat of black paint!<p>

But, of course, my mother had done something with my spray paint.

"Hey Oceanbird! Where's the spray paint?"

"Susan, you know we don't approve of such toxic waste polluting our far out atmosphere. I bought you some new paint."

I pulled out the new can. Organic semi-permanent black walnut paint-like finish.

Great.

I found a brush in the garage and headed back toward the lab.

"HELLO ENLIGHTENED ONE!"

"Dee Dee? W-what are you doing here? I mean, how did you get inside?"

"Through the _door_," she answered as if she were talking to a three year old. Nevermind that that door was locked with a very hi-tech security system she couldn't possibly have figured out! But she had already lost interest and was, in fact, staring at my project.

"Hey, are you entering the science fair? Dexter is too! Is this your project? Oooo, what does this button do?"

"Why yes," I answered proudly, "this is just a little something I threw together. Would you like to see how it works?"

I think she was more interested in the actual button because she just said a polite, "Okay." Still, I hurried to pluck a spider off the floor and set it in the crosshairs of the dissembler.

"Watch, and be amazed!" I declared, and fired it.

The spider fell over and shriveled up.

"Excellent. Ha ha – excellent!"

Dee Dee was looking at the spider suspiciously. "What happened?"

"Oh, I dissembled the molecules."

Dee Dee considered this. "Welll, then that means…hey, wait a second!" She took another look at the spider and instantly let out an ear-shattering scream.

"What? It's dead!"

"Yeah, and you KILLED it with your death ray thingy!"

"Well yeahhhh. It's only a spider."

She crossed her arms. "It's still a living thing, Man_dork_, just like you and me. I can't believe you'd make such a terrible machine – you haven't learned anything about the Way of the Dee Dee!"

"Wait, I can explain!" I scrambled for an argument – how could I explain this logically? "You see, Dee Dee – molecular dissemblers don't kill. _People_ do."

"Well _you're_ the people who's gonna shoot that thing at the science fair! If you care about Love you should take it apart or make it do something nice. Like bake cupcakes or somethin'!"

"_Cupcakes_? That's not…science-y! Look at it this way, Dee Dee, my death ray – uh, molecular dissembler – can help spread Love and Peace – that's why I made it! Yeah, it can kill bad guys, and uh…prevent war…uh, save mice from cats, and, um, other stuff." I wasn't familiar enough with nice things in general to continue. Especially since I'd really just made it to blast Dexter off the planet.

I turned my attention back to Dee Dee. "What are you – AGGH!"

I was speechless. In the time I had been talking – like ten seconds – she had completely demolished my science fair project! She had torn off the spikes and snapped wires and bent back the arms and loosened several bolts. Some bits were dangling off and sparking. "What did you _do_?" I yanked it away.

"I made it a nice machine," she responded, nose in the air. "Because a broken mean machine is a nice machine."

I – I – I didn't know what to say. So, alas, I said the first thing that came to mind.

"GET OUT OF MY LABORATORY!"

"Hmph. Not the first time I've heard _that_ one," she shrugged. "Sorry Mandark, I think you're just a losssst caussse. See ya. Tell your parents my bill will come next week."

And with that, she took her shiny, pure, golden-haired, goddess self and got out of my laboratory.

I sat down on the floor in misery. Now I didn't have my project OR Dee Dee! Ha. THIS was why I had never fooled with Love before – it's pointless.

I examined the wreckage of my death ray. It was barely salvageable and with the science fair coming up _tomorrow_ –

"I'm doomed. There's no way I'm gonna win!"

Unless…

* * *

><p>"Dexter, you have once again outdone yourself!"<p>

"Oh, Mister Levinsky, puh-lease. It is nothing!"

I scowled and seethed as a crowd of amazed idiots gaped at Dexter's latest thingamajigy. I knew I'd seen it before. Yeah, he'd definitely copied it. Not original at all.

Aw, who was I kidding? I looked up at the massive steel infrastructure.

"It is a holographone, Mister Levinsky. Here, let me demonstrate." Dexter hopped off his stool and turned a few dials on his machine. In a doorway thing an image flickered, and there stood Marie Curie.

Yawn. Why not Einstein, huh? Lame.

"Why, hello Marie. How goes the radium research?"

"Bonjour. Very well."

"Guuud! And might I say you are looking very lovely today?" The crowd chuckled as Marie disappeared.

"Hehehe," I muttered.

"And so you see, ladies and gentlemen, with my latest invention we can learn DIrectly from the greatest scientific minds in the world!"

"Amazing, Dexter! Astounding!" Mr. Levinsky scanned his checklist. "Ah, last up is Mr. Astronomonov. Well Mandark, what do you have for us today?"

I sighed, and pulled the sheet off my project.

"Well, it _looks_ impressive." He examined the shiny black paint jobs and spikes I had added that morning. "But what does it _do_?"

"Well, sir, it's my, uh – molecular reassembler."

"But what does it _do_?" Dexter asked. I was about to make a witheringly sharp remark when I realized that _Dee Dee_ was there! How had I missed her before? She was standing right behind him! Was she still mad at me? "Uh," I mumbled, "why don't I just show you?"

Face red, I pulled out a spider from a plastic bag. I set it in the machine's crosshairs, and pushed the button. There was a flash, and once Mr. Levinsky blinked a few times and could see the result he remarked, awkwardly, "Well, your machine certainly makes an – interesting contribution to science."

"Is that a – cupcake?" Dee Dee jumped up and down to see. "You made a cupcake! I LOVE cupcakes!" And she dashed over and ate it, frosting "M" and all. "Great idea, where'd you get it?"

Well, at least she didn't hate me! There was hope yet!

"Big deal," Dexter scoffed. "Mandark invented an oven. Oooh, where can I get one?"

I rolled my eyes, fueled by Dee Dee's praise. "How_ little_ you know, Dexter," I retorted, "as usual. They are very good for providing a carbohydrate boost after long hours in the lab."

"Uh huh_. Suuuure_."

All this time Mr. Levinsky and the judges had been going over their scores. "Our decision was unanimous. This year's winner IS – "

"Dexter," I finished. "Yaaaay."

"_Thank_ you, _thank_ you," Dexter beamed villainously as he scuffled up to claim his trophy. "I am touched, _truly._"

"Yeah," I said sourly as he walked over. "Since you cheated!"

He narrowed his vacant little eyes. "What are you talking about, man?" he snapped. "I won fair and sq-uare."

"Oh yeah, _I_ know what you did. You sent your sister to destroy my project – just like you did with my lab!"

He just shook his squatty head. "Nope, I cannot take the credit for this one, Mandark – this was _all you_. _You_ let her in your lab (bad idea!). _You_ lost track of what was most important – science! See, you are doing it now."

So I had been watching Dee Dee meet her parents at the station wagon. Sue me!

"You are so _stoopid_. Don't you know that a true geen-i-us _never_ mixes love with _science_?" He rolled his eyes. "But what am I saying? You're a complete idiot; of course you didn't know…" And, with a conceited smile, he scrubbed off a dirty spot on his trophy.

Okay, so maybe I had paid more attention to Dee Dee than my project. Well maybe I thought it was worth it! So I lost a science fair? Yeah, well big deal, I'd hung around a princess for a week and besides, I had _plenty_ of time to best Dexter. It's not like it would be that difficult.

And oh, _I'm_ the stupid one? Just wait till I introduce him to one of my kneesocks.

"_Ah ha ha, ah-hahahaha!"_


End file.
